Catching teardrops
by Lifeisaticket
Summary: After leaving CTU for the final time, Michelle and Tony head back to her apartment. Post S4. AU.
1. Chapter 1

Michelle unlocked her front door to let them both in.  
"Oh shoot, I've left something in the car, I'll be right back."  
"Can't you get it later Michelle?"  
"No, I won't be gone long. The couch is to your right, just wait there." And she disappeared.  
Tony peered around as he stepped inside her apartment. Spotting the couch he headed for it, when he heard a knock on the door.

"You must be Tony," he heard as he opened the door barely given a chance to see who was standing there.  
He blinked and looked at the woman standing in front of him.  
"Is Michelle in?" she asked.  
"Not just now, but she'll be back in a few minutes..." He watched confused as the woman reached behind her and put down a car seat in Michelle's apartment with a baby inside.  
"Sorry, I really have to run. Tell Michelle I will see her tomorrow." And with that she was gone.  
Tony took some steps backwards and looked at the car seat. He didn't understand. What was a baby doing in Michelle's apartment?  
Then he walked closer and crouched down. The baby, awake, stared but not quite focussing on him and Tony gasped. Michelle's eyes. Then his own drifted down the baby's face. The nose that looked familiar to his when he was a baby and the lips that had a slight pout like Michelle's and finally, the skin colour. Tanned like his, but lighter. A mixture of him and Michelle.  
Tony heard his heart thud heavily against his chest as he realised. His breathing sped up as his mind whirled and he stumbled backwards noticing the baby watching him.

_Michelle locked her car door and made her way back toward the stairwell.  
"See you tomorrow Michelle!" she heard a voice call-out.  
She spun around and saw her babysitter Hannah exit the lift on the far side of the carpark._

_TONY!_

Michelle's eyes widened and she sprinted to the stairs thankful she changed into flat shoes before she drove them both back to hers.  
It felt like like an eternity climbing the six flights of stairs before Michelle finally reached her floor. She sped down the corridor and saw her front door was open and almost skidded into her apartment.  
Out of puff she saw Tony sat on the floor hugging his knees staring ahead of him. She paused for a moment to catch her breath and then she reached down to the baby, stroking the small tuft of hair and whispered softly.  
Then, she turned her attention back to Tony.  
"He's mine. Isn't he?" he croaked. His voice fraught with emotion.  
She moved over, knelt down in front of him touching his hands and nodded. A sob threatening to escape her as she said "Yes."  
Tony almost winced as the reality hit him. He has a son. The baby sat dressed in a blue & white breton striped baby suit was his son. Their son.  
Who wanted his mommy and began to fuss.  
"Tony, I need to feed him. Come with us to the couch."  
He looked up at her, her eyes moist with tears. She squeezed his hand and went over to their son.  
"Hello baby," she said in a gentle sing-song, kneeling down to unbuckle the straps of the car seat.  
"You're my hungry boy aren't you, huh?" She scooped him up and carried him to the sofa.  
Tony watched and noted the change in the tone of her voice. He had never heard her speak like that before. Soft but higher. Babylike. It strangely suited her.

He picked himself up off the floor and moved over to join them on the couch. Michelle was curled up in the corner, stroking the chubby cheek of their son with her forefinger as he fed. Feeling like he was in another zone, Tony plonked himself down at the opposite end. It felt awkward to him. Like he didn't belong in the moment. That his ex wife with a baby, wasn't real. The baby, a total stranger to him.

But when Michelle smiled at him, as their eyes met, he felt all the awkwardness disappear into thin air. She never looked at anyone, anyone like she did at him. And after all the shit he put her through, she still looked at him as if he was the only person in the room. Technically, apart from the baby, he was, but he chose to ignore that.

"There's a box under the couch Tony. Open it."  
He didn't move.  
"Tony." Her tone firmer now.  
He reached down and felt around for the box with one hand and with both he pulled it from underneath and placed it between them on the couch.  
He recognised it instantly. It was the box they had kept souvenirs from their "firsts" in. Medium sized, plain dark brown and wooden, it was filled with tickets, reciepts, pictures, napkins and such like from their first date to their first piece of wedding cake.  
Only now, encarved on the front was "_To Daddy"._  
He ran his fingers over the box, allowing them to trace over the writing. The words still a mystery to him. Then taking a deep breath, he opened it.  
Inside, there was a book. "_Carrying our son_" was the title. His eyes watered a little at the words. "Carrying our son." She had carried their son. With shaking hands, he brought it out of the box and opened it. Like a magnet, his eyes were attracted to the scan stuck to the first page.

Tony was a the kind of guy, who, when shown baby scans had to be told several times where the baby was. His sisters used to rib him all the time. Now, he didn't need to ask. He spotted the baby straight away.

_Little Peanut _was written underneath.  
As he turned the page, he realised that was her nickname for their child. This time the picture was of Michelle's stomach. He turned another, and another. It was a week by week diary photobook of her pregnancy with captions underneath pictures of her bump. She had written dates, times, how far gone she was, cravings she had.  
"I had always hoped you'd come back to me sweetheart, that I could see you open this," she told him quietly.

He heard her but he couldn't speak. His heart pounded faster as he shook with adrenaline and absorbed her words from her mouth and from the book.  
Page after page filled with details. He was astounded. She had taken all that time to write that for him.

The last page was a full lengthed picture of her. Her face chubbier with weight gain, smile as wide as her eyes and wild curls thrown ontop of her head. "36 weeks" it read.  
"He was a little early." Michelle broke the silence. She had split her time between watching him and watching their son. She moved the baby from her arm and placed him against her chest and rubbed his back.  
"He was eager to arrive in the world."

He smiled to himself. His own mother had told him many times and whoever would listen that Anthony Almeida was eager to arrive in the world. He too was born at 36 weeks.

Closing the book, he placed it to the side of him and looked back into the box. He fingered the babygro inside.

"That's the first piece I dressed him in. It was from your mom. D'ya remember when she brought that round after we returned from the honeymoon?"

Tony chuckled at the memory. His mother didn't waste anytime dropping hints. Both of them were left speechless when she pretty much thrust it in their faces at dinner.

His eyes met with hers once more. He was amazed she actually kept the babygro all this time and was touched by her gesture.

He then saw the tiny hospital wristband. "Baby Dessler." A little stung at the reminder of their divorce, he just nodded. He continued rifling through the box. A pacifier, a clean nappy, bib, booties - all he assumed the baby had grown out of.

Eventually, there was nothing more to see. Tony breathed out heavily. He saw he had stopped shaking and felt completely calm. He then noticed in the lid was a white envelope. Pulling it towards him, he eased out the piece of paper inside and placed the box and lid on the floor before opening it up.  
_Birth Certificate.  
_**JAMES ANTHONY JACK ALMEIDA.  
**He now knew their son's name.  
"You called him James? I thought... I thought you didn't like it." He was referring to when they were married and talked about having children. She pulled a face when he mentioned 'James'.  
"Only because the boy who pushed me around at school was called James," she chuckled. "When he was placed on my chest and I saw him, I knew that name was his."  
She pressed her cheek to her boy's and smiled.

Tony read the rest of the information; where he was born and his date of birth.  
_Not quite three months old, _he observed. "Why are you back at work?" he said louder than he had meant to.  
"I had to do what I needed to do for us to survive Tony."

She sounded defensive.

There was a moment of silence.

"I should have been there with you." And without warning, he started sobbing. Huge heavy sobs, causing his shoulders to shake.  
"No, no. Tony, no." Michelle reached over and pulled him into a hug.  
"This isn't what I wanted. Please don't feel guilty. This is not your fault."  
She kissed his cheek and held him tighter.  
"You're here now and that's what matters."

They stayed completely still together until she felt him beginning to relax. Just her warm body pressed against his was soothing him. He never forgot that night when he found out his father had passed away. She had wordlessly climbed into bed, pulled him into a hug and held him as he cried. And that was the first time he had ever cried his heart out. Just her being there, stopped him from going out and doing something reckless and stupid.

She held out their sleepy boy to him.  
Tony hesitated.  
"It's okay," she reassured. "Take him."  
Holding him under the arms, Tony smiled as he stared at his son. Though sleepy, he cooed at Tony and moved his legs happily.  
Hearing Michelle gasp, he turned to her worried.  
"No. It's okay. It's just..."  
"What?"  
He's never done that to anyone but me before... He knows who you are Tony."  
"Really?" He was disbelieving.  
"I promise you." She rested her hand on his arm. "With everyone - my mom, brother and friends, he's stayed silent and just stared at them. He is a silent observer. Just like you."  
Tony let out a small laugh. "No way."  
His eyes locked once more with James'.  
And then he felt it.

The overwhelming rush of love for his son. His boy. The fierce inner lion ready to protect him should he be attacked or fall. The father in him ready to teach him a million things. The softie who would mop up the tears, wrap him up in a hug and kiss him when he is sad.

He brought him to his chest for a cuddle. His hand cradling James' head.

And in that instant, he silently made what must have been twenty promises to his baby.

With gentle wriggling, James - keen to be closer to his daddy, buried his face his Tony's neck.

Michelle kissed Tony's shoulder before resting her head against it. Her hand slid down to his, not noticing that their fingers entwined together. Resting her head against his shoulder, she allowed the tear to drop from her eye. She didn't care. Her heart felt whole again. The dull ache she had felt since she walked away from him, had faded.

"So, uh, I guess we have a lot to talk about. I missed out on more than I realised."

Michelle gave a half smile.

"Yeah, yeah I guess we do."

"So, most importantly..." he yawned.

"Is he a good a sleeper?"


	2. Chapter 2

(**A/N:** Apologies for the mess & typos in CH1. Thank you for reading)

* * *

"After the first week, he's been pretty good." She winced inwards realising what she said.  
Tony turned his face to look at her.  
"What do you mean, after the first week?"  
She wouldn't look at him.  
"It doesn't matter."  
Not letting it drop, he carefully twisted his body around so he faced her.  
She felt his eyes bore into her and she sighed fidgeting with the buttons on her blouse.  
"In the hospital, I was okay because I was surrounded by people. My family, friends and the doctors & nurses. But then I came home to empty house."  
She paused and sighed again. "It broke my heart that you weren't here to share him with me."  
Tony swallowed hard.  
"And?"  
"He picked up on it. When I was unhappy, he was unhappy."  
She finally looked up at him, eyes burning with shame at the memory.  
"One afternoon, I was lying on the bed with him. He was asleep and I was crying quietly. When he woke, he took one look at me and burst into tears."  
"Sweetheart..." Tony squeezed her hand. It killed him to hear this, but he needed to hear it.  
"Whether he actually saw me, I don't know, but it was enough to make me pull myself together."  
"It's okay."  
"It's not Tony, I hate that for the first week of his life, I was sad. He should have been enough, but more than ever I wanted you."

It all came spilling out.

"I never wanted to divorce you. I just wanted to shock you back to life. My head overruled my heart. I had so much pressure... from my mom, my friends. I was weak.  
And when I found out I was pregnant, the pain of wanting to tell you was so strong... I just couldn't do it. Especially when I was told so often you were seen falling out of a bar or club."  
Tony flinched.  
"I couldn't risk seeing you because I wanted you to be sober for yourself, and I would have... I would have wanted you. So, I did the book. Sometimes I think I did it more for me, than for you. I hated you missing out, but it also dulled the pain of you not being here."  
She paused, trying to read his face.  
He wouldn't meet her eyes. His heart pounded and in the pit of his stomach he felt nauseous.  
"I had no idea when I was going to tell you about James. And then seeing you today, that was hard. Because I could always push you to the back of my head. But today, you were there. And the man I fell in love with; the man I married, was there too. He came back."  
He didn't know what to say. Just stayed deadly silent.  
"Tony, look at me."  
She reached up placing her hand under his chin and tilted his chin up so he would look at her. She was smiling.  
"You came back."  
She held his gaze, still smiling.  
"You came back" she repeated. And she kissed him.  
"It's over, right?"  
He nodded and held her face in his hand, just looking at her. Her eyes - though tired, sparkled just looking at him; her cheeks, rosy from talking so much and her smile, genuinely touching the corners of her eyes.  
She never looked more beautiful to him. She had carried, given birth to their son and raised him on her own. He could not be more in love with this woman if he tried.  
"The past is over," he reaffirmed, the nausea lifting.  
He knew the guilt would not go away easily, but he wasn't about to let that rule his head. Though one question still lingered in his mind. Trying to push it away, he changed the subject.  
"Should we put him to bed?" He could actually feel his arm going numb from keeping it curled around his son's body.  
Michelle chuckled, "Yeah. It's been a long day for us too."

They got up from the couch and he followed behind Michelle as she led them to her bedroom. She suddenly stopped outside one room, nipped inside and flicked on the light switch. She stood aside to let him past.  
He didn't need to be told.  
_James' room._  
His eyes soaked it all up. _Gingerbread themed_. Like they had discussed all those years ago.  
Willow tree green walls - soft and warm, with gingerbread wallpaper boarder. Powder blue curtains with white spots and gingerbread curtain tie backs.  
An Antique brown cot stood in the far corner with matching furniture dotted around. It was exactly how he had once imagined it.  
"It's beautiful Michelle," he breathed.

Her eyes shied away. She was always embarrassed about her gift for decorating. Had she not got the job at CTU, she would have been an interior designer. Tony was sure of it.

"Grab that moses basket would you?" she asked, keen to steer the conversation away from where she knew it was headed.

He spun around.

"Are you kidding?"

She tried to hide the smirk creeping up on her.

"Listen, daddy, you need to learn to juggle when he's attached to you. And trust me, he will be attached to you."

Tony rolled his eyes at her, but inside his heart was dancing.

_His little boy, attached to him_. He could get used to that.

Carefully bending down, almost plié-ing - causing Michelle to turn away as she stifled her laughter, Tony stretched out his arm and grabbed the moses basket.

"Got it!" he puffed.

He followed Michelle out of the room as she led them to her room.

She took James from him, causing the little set of eyelids to flutter open. She quietly spoke to him before kissing him on his cheek and placing him down in the moses basket that had been set down by her bed, as Tony yet again admired her décor.

This time she had gone for chestnut brown with cream to keep the room warm. Only he picked on the fact there wasn't much in the room. No scratch that, it wasn't lived in. The flood of guilt came crashing through him again. But he didn't say anything. He didn't want to push it. That question came back into his mind again, closer and closer it got to the tip of his tongue.

Clearing his throat, he chose a different question to ask:

"Where should I sleep?"

He watched as Michelle crashed out onto the bed letting out a quiet groan of relief bringing her hand to her forehead.

She momentarily closed her eyes, before rolling over to her side and patted the space next to her.

He frowned.

"You sure?"

She sighed.

"**Tony**."

He got the message. Kicking off his shoes, he flopped down next to her laying on his back. Michelle couldn't help it. She just stared at him. She partly felt like she was dreaming.

When she started her day, she hadn't a clue she would end up back at CTU let alone see her ex husband, and introduce him to her son AND have him back in her bed.

To be honest, she didn't care. After the day they had - the brief period where she was broken because she had lost him for good; she was emotionally tired of looking back.

She knew Tony had a lot of adjusting to do - _she_ had a lot of adjusting to do, the biggest adjustment being sharing the parenting. Not rushing off for every cry, plea or wail. _James has his daddy now_.

"Michelle?" his voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Mmm?" She didn't even notice her eyes were closed.

"I love you sweetheart."

She peeked open one eye at him and saw him on his side watching her.

Her heart skipped a beat.

"I love you so much."

And, she zonked out.


	3. Chapter 3

He gazed at her sleeping. Her hair fanned out behind her head, mouth slightly open; breathing softly. He understood she was exhausted, it had been an extremely long day for the both of them.  
But he was fighting off sleep, though his body cried out for rest. His mind could not stop whirring. The wondering, the what-ifs and the whys.  
Then his brain suddenly switched to a short while ago.  
_She had called him daddy_.  
He almost melted when she said that.  
But did he have any right to be called that when he hadn't been part of James' life for almost three months?  
_Why didn't she tell me sooner? When was she going to tell me?_  
Questions he had been desperate to ask and came close to asking, but honestly, he was afraid of the answers. She didn't like him questioning her going back to work so quickly.  
_She left you remember._  
Tony scolded himself.  
_That's not fair and you know it._  
He was shocked when he received the divorce papers but he soon slid into another drunken stupor and signed them angrily, giving her what she wanted. He had no care nor fight in him.  
Tony rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.  
It chilled him to the bone to remember. He hated who he became, how he treated her. He was the biggest asshole and she deserved better.  
But now, he couldn't imagine being without her again. Being without his son.  
_My son. My boy._  
He pictured himself chasing James in the garden. Catching him and scooping him up into his arms, tickling his belly to shrieks of laughter.  
The biggest smile crept up on his face. And before he knew it, his eyes had closed.

The sounds, unfamiliar. But his ears pricked and quickly he realised it was James. Looking over to Michelle, he saw she hadn't stirred.  
Quietly, Tony got off the bed and went around to her side. Peering in, his boy stared back at him with a frown.  
And for a moment, Tony couldn't move.  
_Dare he pick him up?_  
_What if he screams? _  
He was afraid. James didn't know him and he didn't know James.  
With the person in front of him not giving him attention, James kicked his legs and let out a rumble. With his movements charging ahead of his thoughts, Tony automatically reached in and carefully picked him up.  
"Hey, hey. Why are you fussing little guy? Huh?"  
Holding him to his chest, he kissed his chubby little cheek.  
Not really sure what to do next, he decided to go for a walk. He didn't get far, he went into the nursery.  
Spotting a blanket on the dresser, he picked it up and laid it flat out on the floor, laying James on top and settled himself down next to him.  
Tony had never really spent any time alone with babies. Sure, he had played with his nieces and nephews, but living far away and being so busy with work, he missed seeing them grow up. When they were fragile newborn babies, the most he did was say hello and give them a cuddle.  
This was totally new territory to him.  
Yet seeing James wriggle and flail his limbs around on the blanket, he was in love and couldn't stop himself.  
He started making faces at him and trembled with excitement when his faces were rewarded with a smile and coo.  
He found himself talking to James who in turn tried to speak to him back mimicking his mouth movements.  
The first "mmboo" almost gave Tony heart failure.  
This little person was half his. And better yet, half Michelle's.  
_God, he loved her._

Michelle opened her eyes and saw the empty space next to her. Suddenly wide awake, panic rose in her chest.  
She feared she had scared him off.  
_I never asked him if he was okay with this. I just assumed. Assumed he would be okay with me AND my son._  
She sighed and internally corrected herself. _Their son_.  
A habit she needed to break. Or did she?  
Sitting up, she glanced down and saw the moses basket was empty.  
Confusion washed over her face.  
_What the - _  
The silence was cut off by the noises coming from the baby monitor that her ears just picked up on.  
It was James, and listening to him, he was in full-on happy mode.  
Realising Tony was with him, she smiled and sank back into the pillows relieved. She wanted to give him some alone time with their son.  
_It just rolled right off._

The delightful sounds coming his son filled Tony with regret at having missed this from the beginning but he swore to himself he wouldn't be parted from his son again:  
"James, I know you can't understand me, but I love you sweetheart."  
A reply came in the form of a contented sigh.  
"And I love your mommy. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you both... we both made choices that we now regret. More me than mommy, but that's in the past now. I promise to always be here for you. You and mommy are my heart."  
He stopped in time to stop the choked-up sob forming in his throat in it's tracks.

Michelle wiped the tear from her cheek.  
She never imagined this.  
It was all she ever wanted.  
Another tear escaped and she brushed that one away too, sniffing and taking a deep breath.  
She looked up in time to see Tony walk back in with their baby in his arms.  
She smiled.  
"Hey, how are my boys?"  
Tony returned her smile.  
"We're okay. I think," he replied feeling much more than okay.  
Michelle reached out her arms and took James from him.  
She placed him down next to her on his stomach, kissing his head.  
"He likes to lay on his front before he feeds," she clarified to Tony as he got comfortable behind James.  
"No idea why," she chuckled.  
They both watched as James tried to hold his head up with one fist in his mouth and the other gripping and releasing the pillow case.  
Tony scooted closer.  
"He's magical isn't he?" Her eyes filled with adoration for the little person between them.  
"Yeah. He really is," he confirmed.  
With his daddy closer, James turned his attention to the t-shirt he was wearing. Half rolling, he fingered the CTU logo attached.  
"That's not part of our lives anymore son," Tony said, still meaning every word. "But I will tell you about it some day."  
Michelle nodded understanding. She always knew they couldn't hide their lives from their children. When the subject came up after they married, they both agreed they would talk about it to an extent, but leave out terrorists names or anything affiliated to them.  
The memory of CTU brought a name to mind which made Michelle flinch.  
_Jen. The woman he's living with._  
Tony's stuff was back with her. She came close about asking him what his plans were but watching him engrossed with his son, she decided to bring it up later.  
With James' attention elsewhere, Michelle got off the bed and went into the pocket of her brown jacket she'd worn not a few hours ago.  
Hiding the box in her fist she slipped back into her original position.  
Not one to miss a beat, Tony caught her eyes.  
"Whatcha got there?"  
"What I went back to the car for," and she held out the box.  
Almost reluctantly taking his eyes away from his son, and full of curiosity, he opened the box.  
Two stunning bright silver bands gleamed at him.  
_Their wedding rings._  
He gasped opened mouth.  
"They got lost in storage, I actually picked them up yesterday before coming to CTU after my mom found the box," she explained.  
He didn't know what to say.  
Michelle watched as he opened and closed his mouth for something to say but coming up with nothing.  
"One day," she said reaching out for his hand and taking it in hers.  
"One step at a time," he eventually finished off catching the teardrop tumbling from her eye.


End file.
